I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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