Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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