I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
