Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
