1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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