What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
