is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
