8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
