She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
