Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
