you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
