i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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