he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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