Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
