Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
