My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
