all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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