He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
