Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
