This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
