Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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