Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
