My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
