I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
