Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
