he wants to bone in the snuggie
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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