I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
