honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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