u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
