so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
