Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
