Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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