shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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