He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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