I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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