Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
