New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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