He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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