i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
