Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
