would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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