This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
