it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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