(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
