i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
