I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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