Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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