Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
