she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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