Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
