I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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