She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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