Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
